I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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