Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
