I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
