Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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