I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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