I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
