I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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