Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
