grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
soo... how was my night?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
