I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
