everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
