you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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