she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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