If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
