the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
