Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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