Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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