i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
