upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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