No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
