so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
