Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
