if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
