First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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