Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Randomize
