Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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