i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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