I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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