Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
