I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i dont even know how to be here
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
