Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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