You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
