Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
