do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
