please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
