the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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