He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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