So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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