He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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