He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
