remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
