Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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