My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
wow bdsm is so cute
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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