your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
