So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
