I cannot find my penis.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
