I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My balls are so social today.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
