i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
