They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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