Grow some girl-balls and come out already
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
