I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I still have a little drunk in my system
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
