You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
