I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
i think my cat just said my name.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
