let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
