I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
