**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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