I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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