I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
