you have to choose: penises or morals?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So many bounce houses so little time
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We are all done wearing pants today
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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