Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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