She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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