I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
